School has begun! 2015-2016

My kids started school a couple weeks ago. I can't believe how time has flown by. It seems like yesterday yet so long ago where I didn't have any kids in school. I miss those times yet I love these times. New stages and lots to look forward to. Being a mom is seriously the best, hardest job in the world. I couldn't imagine my life without all 4 of my little pieces of heaven (and hell sometimes..... KIDDING!!).
Marshall started 6th grade, Madison 4th and Courtney 2nd. Myriam is the only one still home. I'm not ready for her to start quite yet. Next year will be a little tough on this mama. I can't believe this is my son's last year of elementary school. Jr High years will be here all too soon. Bring it! I'm ready..... I think!
This morning my son told me that he only has 7 years until he can move out. He says he can't wait. Those remarks would hurt worse if I hadn't said the same thing to my mom when I was a child. I know he will learn to truly appreciate me and all I have done for him...... one day. For now, he's young, and we all have bad days.
The morning of the first day of school went really smooth. I woke up with plenty of time to spare. The kids are all liking school for the most part. That makes for one happy mama.

Later that day Myri decided to climb up on the kitchen counter and get into the top of the cupboard and get out the 100 piece cookie cutter set. I have been finding those things all over my house. She is my little Curious George!

Dryer sweat, spidows, leave a message, and Frankenstein princess

This morning, Marshall put his Halloween costume in the dryer to get the wrinkles out. After putting it on the steam enhanced touch up cycle he asked me, "Mom, how does the dryer get your clothes wet with steam?" After a couple seconds he said, "Ooooohhhh, I know.... because when we get hot we sweat. So, the dryer gets hot and it gets wet from sweating." HAHAHA

Myriam is so scared of spiders..... except what she thinks is a spider rarely is. It's usually balls of hair, or even a single strand of hair. One night after putting on her pajamas, I hear her screaming bloody murder and running while crying. She kept saying spidow, spidow!! She had a hair ball stuck to the leg of her pajamas by a strand of hair. When she ran, it would follow her. She couldn't escape the terrifying hair spidow no matter how hard she tried. I laughed until I cried.

Madison called her friend yesterday and left her a "message after the beep". After she finished saying what she needed, she said, "Bye.... leave a message after the beep" then hung up. I laughed and said, "You know that you don't have to say -leave a message after the beep- at the end of your message, right?" She started laughing so hard and said, "Erase it!! Erase it!!.... I'm just going to tell them that I was kidding and trying to make them laugh."

Courtney has such a fun personality. She wanted to be a hot dog for Halloween. Then it went from hot dog to corn dog, pizza, fries etc. She ended up having a firm choice in Frankenstein. We couldn't find one so she settled for something girlie- Frankenstein princess.

Letter to my littles

Today has been a hard day. I cried a lot last night. In fact, I woke up with my eyes swollen from all of the tears I had recently shed. I went to work with puffy eyes, and the sweet girls I work with gave me tips on how to get my eyes back into shape. They recommended things like to put cucumbers on my eyes to help with the swelling, and to put potato slices on my eyes to help with the bags under my eyes. I feel lucky to work with such wonderful people.

I know I should be sleeping, I have a long day ahead of me, but my mind won't shut off, and the pain I feel deep inside my chest, my throat, my whole entire body, won't seem to lighten tonight. I know I need to pray and ask for this burden to be lightened.... Even if it's just long enough for me to sleep. But, in the meantime I decided to get on here and write a letter to my children. You never know how short life can be, and what events may take place. So, if the unfortunate strikes, and God calls me home a little earlier than I'd like, I want my kids to be able to read about our lives together, and I want them to have councel from me, even if I'm not able to do it in person. With that said, I hope we all live a long, happy, healthy life together.

My dearest children,

You are the loves of my life. Always have been, always will be. 

I'm sorry for the events that have taken place over the past little while. I know your delicate minds can't fully comprehend all the reasons why our lives have changed. Just know that I am doing my best to get our happy life back. Our lives won't ever be the same as before, but that's ok, because our lives will be much, much better. I know life was great and happy before, but it will be even better, this I promise.

I look at you all, and I feel like I have let you all down. And in all honesty, I have let you down, and I am deeply sorry for that. But, deep down I know you will be stronger because of it. We all will be.

Here are some things that I want you all to always remember:

1) Always remember that you are worth so much

2) Never let anyone define who you are. YOU are the only one who can do that

3) Never listen to anyone speak ill of you. If you hear it, walk away. You're better than that.

4) It's ok to make mistakes. We are all human. Just try your best, and strengthen yourselves where you are weak. I know I make it sound easy, but believe me, I know how hard it is. Always know that just because something is hard, doesn't mean it isn't possible.

5) Do not, do not, do not EVER waste your time and energy on hatred or anger. Those two things will only hold you back, and it will affect you more than the people you may struggle with.

6) Get an education. It is so important and vital.
7) Don't be afraid to push yourself at times. 

8) Never sit around and expect the world to give you a good life. If you do that, you'll be waiting a long time. Go get the life you know you deserve. Hard work always, always pays off.

9) Don't let fear ever hold you back from achieving something you really want. The sky and beyond is your limit, so never stop trying to achieve what you want.

10) choose your friends wisely. They will have a huge impact on your life. Be the better. Be a leader, not a follower. Learn to be independent. You can do it. Don't be afraid.

11) Get out in the world. Help the needy, but not at the expense of being taken advantage of. Travel. Explore. See new things, and meet lots of people. Live, laugh, and love every single day.

12) Smile every day. Your smile brightens the world and your soul.

13) Dance in the rain. Go sledding even when you're old. Learn to play the guitar or piano or violin or whatever it is you have a passion for. The more you learn, the better off you'll be.

14) Love with all of your heart and soul, even if you get hurt. It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Don't give up on love easily. Fight for what is right.

15) Last, but certainly not least, pray pray pray, and do it often. God knows all that has been, and that will be. He loves you ALWAYS, no matter what!!!!! Never forget to thank God daily for your many blessings. Never forget to count your many blessings, and look at the bright side of things.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, no matter what happens, my babies you'll be.

Love,

Mom xoxo

Be that!

How did I allow my life to get so out of control is a question I ask myself often. I'm hurt and sad beyond belief. But, it was my own doings that brought on such heartache. Life will get better. I just have to keep hope that I can succeed. I need to focus on what I want to teach my children for the little time that they are young. 

I really want to get my RN license. But when? I work. I raise 4 children. I'm the PTA treasurer. 

Today while I was sitting here thinking away as I usually do, I decided that there will always be some reason to use as to why I shouldn't pursue my career. In all honesty, part of it is terror. Do I have enough faith in myself to do it, and succeed? I have to, because just like the saying goes, "Imagine who you want your kids to become.... BE THAT!!!!" So that's just what I plan to do. 

I have made plenty of mistakes, but one thing is for certain; I will teach my children how to work hard, and how to succeed. What they decide to do with their knowledge is up to them, but I will always teach them that the sky isn't just their limit; their limit is much, much further than that. I have full belief and faith that my children will have the knowledge needed to face "the real world" (if you will), when that time comes.

Hard work and dedication always, always pays off in one way or another.

Here's to a successful and bright future!! (((((CHEERS)))))

I'm signing out, 

Until next time,

Jamie

Xoxo

Love note :)

This was waiting on my bed for me when I got home from work last night. My son is so thoughtful and full of love and appreciation. He is such a blessing! I am honored and blessed to be his mom! I love him to pieces! He is such a kind hearted, loveable little boy whom I adore with all my heart!

The note reads, 

"Dear Mom and Dad,

thank you for the globe. I think it is

awesome. I love you.

From Marshall

P.S you're the best.

Thank you for everything.

Sorry this is all

I have to show I 

love you guys

So much."

Back to the world of blogging

It's been awhile since I have posted on the good ol' blog. I hope to change that. I tried to do Mady's birthday post, but my computers memory is full so it wouldn't let me upload her birthday pictures.
Santa gave me an IPad for Christmas, so ill be posting more soon.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and has a happy new year!
You'll be seeing more from me soon! :)

The letter and summer break

The other day I saw this letter that Madison wrote for me just laying on my living room floor. Madison and Courtney were gone for the weekend with their father.

It made me smile. 

I am blessed.

 It reads:

"Mom, you are wonderful. You make me smile. You know I love you more then ever, more than the earth can take."

:)

 ************

It is officially summer break! I am ecstatic. No more school for 3 months! Wahoo!

On the last day of school I threw these little gifts together for my children's teachers. They are cheesy, but it's the thought that counts, right?

The card tied to the top reads, "Thank you for making me one smart cookie."

Lots of sun, swimming, and playing to be done around here.

I hope you all enjoy your summer break, too!

Try

Have you ever had those times in life where you get worked on really hard? Of course you have. We all have. The past little while has been like that for me. Last week was a tough, tough week for me. One particular afternoon last week, I had physical therapy in Spanish Fork. On the drive up, I was alone. I was crying. I put on my sunglasses to try to hide my tears from the cars that surrounded me, from the world. Soon, my glasses started to fog up so I had to keep taking them off and cleaning them. Through the midst of my tears I started venting to God. I was so frustrated and hurt. I was telling God that if He is real, then He needs to take this great burden away from me. I was also telling Him that I am tired of the trials that we have to face in this life. I was being very ungrateful. I pulled up to my physical therapist's office with my eyes red and puffy. I applied some makeup the best I could, but I know I looked just awful. After 2 hours at my physical therapy appointment, I left for a salon in Springville. My husband was so supportive of me, and told me to take all the time I needed. And I did just that. I got my very first facial. I got a chemical peal. It was amazing, and just what I needed. I ended my night with dinner at wingers, and a movie. I saw The Big Wedding. I was solo in the theater. No one else was there but me. It was kind of weird, but nice. I ended my night with sub zero frozen yogurt. On my way home I was still overwhelmed and still extremely sad. However, I knew I had 2 choices, I could make my trials make me or break me. I was, and still am, determined to let my trials make me into a better, stronger person.
The following day I had the song Try by Pink playing on my CD player in my home. I looked at my baby and saw her standing up and falling. She did this over and over and over again. She has been doing this for the past month. Each day she gets a little further without falling. As I watched my baby get up, take a few steps, wobble, and fall, the lyrics to Pink's song opened up something inside of me. "We've got to get up and try" is what the song says over and over and over again. Watching my baby doing just that inspired me. I am thankful for my children, and all that they teach me.
We are born with the tendency to keep trying, and to never give up. I will never lose the will to rise above, stronger than before. I will succeed. We all can if we strive to be better each and every day. Needless to say, this week has gone much better. It's so important to stay positive and to NEVER GIVE UP!

The innocence of childhood at its best

The other day my 5 year old daughter, Courtney, asked me how old she will be when her sister, Mady dies. How do you respond to something like that? I think I told her something like she will be very, very old.
In a child's mind, their parents know everything. I remember feeling completely protected as a child because I thought my parents knew it all. I thought they knew exactly how everything ran, and that it was simple to them. I didn't have to worry about how the bills were paid, how hard my dad worked to support the family, how many loads of laundry my mother did, and how much time it took my mother and older siblings to get food on the table. It's not always as easy for parents as children like to think. Yesterday Myriam puked on my back, the kids were extra ornery getting ready for school, and all I wanted to do yesterday was cry, and that's just what I did, I cried, a lot.
I miss the innocence of childhood. I realize that my children are living in that complete isolated place right now. They think that I know everything. For all they know, money grows on trees. They know that their bellies are full, their home is warm, and they can come to their parents whenever they need anything. They won't always be told yes to every request or demand, but they know they will always find comfort in their parents. They are completely content and satisfied. Okay, other than occasionally having "the meanest mom in the world" when I won't let them do anything and everything they want anytime they want. But, they know they have the people in their lives that love them more than anyone else does. I will always be here to love and protect my children. However, I am a full believer that children need to learn from their OWN mistakes. I cannot, and should not, protect them from these learning experiences. I am a full believer in the love and logic parenting way. I attended their classes a few months ago. That was one of the best things I could have done. If you're interested, just visit www.loveandlogic.com.
I guess my point to all of this is that we need to let children relish in the innocence of their childhood. So many times children are being pushed to be older than they really are. We need to take a step back from our busy lives and just let our kids be kids. I need to learn to do this more often. I'm not saying my outlook is the right way. But, it is what I believe to be true.
The reason I type my thoughts down like this is so that my children can look back and read what I was feeling when they were little. I want them to know what it was like for me, for all of us. I want them to remember not only the big things, but the small things as well. I want them to be able to look back and reminisce on their childhood. I wish my mother would have written down her thoughts when I was little. As a child, I never took too much time to see what things were like for her. I just trusted that she had it ALL figured out. Now that I am a mother, I would really like to know what her frame of mind was when I was little and in her home. I know that when I am much older, and my children are grown, I will forget a lot of how I felt at this time in my life. Sure, I will remember the important things like how happy my children made me. I'll remember the hugs, the kisses, and the laughs. But, I probably won't remember these little thoughts that crossed my mind. I'm sure I will remember some, but most certainly not all of them. My mind is constantly going. If I don't type my thoughts down, it often passes and I forget. If my children are reading this, and we are all much older, just know that I love you so so much. You are the world to me. I am thankful to be your mommy. I wouldn't trade you for the world. There isn't a day that goes by, or that will go by, where I won't be thinking of you. You are the loves of my life.

Until next time, XOXO 

And the knee says no

Courtney, Myriam and I headed up to Provo this afternoon for a doctors appointment for myself.

As I have stated in some of my previous posts, I have started running. I must have pushed myself too hard last week because my knee started hurting. I gave it a few days of rest, and tried to go running with one of my friends yesterday. I barely made it home. When I did make it home, I called and made an appointment for today with and orthopedic doctor.

My knee was killing me the rest of the day. I haven't felt pain like that in a long time. It was excruciating. I could barely walk let alone make it up the stairs throughout the day.  By night time, it became worse. After a long day, I lay in bed with the throbbing pain. No matter which way I positioned my knees, it hurt. After carefully tossing and turning several times, I finally gave in and took some pain medicine. I don't resort to taking medicine unless I absolutely need it. I'm weird like that. I lied down on my back and propped my legs up on a couple fluffy pillows while letting the pain medicine kick in. I was finally able to drift off to sleep after that. By morning, the pain was much much better, but still hurting.

At the doctor's office, I was given x-rays. They looked normal. The doctor said my knee is really inflamed so he put me on and anti inflammatory prescription. I have to take it for 3 months. I was given a cortisone shot, and I have to do physical therapy as well. He said if the pain isn't going away in 3 weeks, I have to get and MRI to see if it's cracked.

When the doctor gave me the cortisone shot in my knee, Courtney looked horrified. She plugged her ears, and started trembling in fear. I felt so bad for her. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt. I tried to get her to hold my hand so I could be brave while he gave me the shot, but she refused. She didn't want to get near me. Myriam just kept giving all the people who helped me weird looks. She didn't understand why all these different people were touching her mama. She stayed in her stroller the whole time. She was such a good girl, thanks to Courtney being a big helper and pushing her around the room for me.

After 2 hours at the doctor's office, we finally left for home.

So, I can't run for awhile. I'm not sure how long I'll be out of the running game. I'm super bummed out. I will be doing lots of upper body workouts in the meantime.

 I bought these bad boys last week. I am in love with them. They will be taking a break for a min while my body heals. Once my knee heals, I have to start back up slow.

Now that summer is approaching quickly, I itch to get out into the wilderness. I itch to run, to hike, to sweat.

Hopefully I will heal quickly, and will be back on the pavement and trails soon enough.

Nothing will keep me down.

Prayers are welcomed and very much appreciated.