The other day my 5 year old daughter, Courtney, asked me how old she will be when her sister, Mady dies. How do you respond to something like that? I think I told her something like she will be very, very old.
In a child's mind, their parents know everything. I remember feeling completely protected as a child because I thought my parents knew it all. I thought they knew exactly how everything ran, and that it was simple to them. I didn't have to worry about how the bills were paid, how hard my dad worked to support the family, how many loads of laundry my mother did, and how much time it took my mother and older siblings to get food on the table. It's not always as easy for parents as children like to think. Yesterday Myriam puked on my back, the kids were extra ornery getting ready for school, and all I wanted to do yesterday was cry, and that's just what I did, I cried, a lot.
I miss the innocence of childhood. I realize that my children are living in that complete isolated place right now. They think that I know everything. For all they know, money grows on trees. They know that their bellies are full, their home is warm, and they can come to their parents whenever they need anything. They won't always be told yes to every request or demand, but they know they will always find comfort in their parents. They are completely content and satisfied. Okay, other than occasionally having "the meanest mom in the world" when I won't let them do anything and everything they want anytime they want. But, they know they have the people in their lives that love them more than anyone else does. I will always be here to love and protect my children. However, I am a full believer that children need to learn from their OWN mistakes. I cannot, and should not, protect them from these learning experiences. I am a full believer in the love and logic parenting way. I attended their classes a few months ago. That was one of the best things I could have done. If you're interested, just visit www.loveandlogic.com.
I guess my point to all of this is that we need to let children relish in the innocence of their childhood. So many times children are being pushed to be older than they really are. We need to take a step back from our busy lives and just let our kids be kids. I need to learn to do this more often. I'm not saying my outlook is the right way. But, it is what I believe to be true.
The reason I type my thoughts down like this is so that my children can look back and read what I was feeling when they were little. I want them to know what it was like for me, for all of us. I want them to remember not only the big things, but the small things as well. I want them to be able to look back and reminisce on their childhood. I wish my mother would have written down her thoughts when I was little. As a child, I never took too much time to see what things were like for her. I just trusted that she had it ALL figured out. Now that I am a mother, I would really like to know what her frame of mind was when I was little and in her home. I know that when I am much older, and my children are grown, I will forget a lot of how I felt at this time in my life. Sure, I will remember the important things like how happy my children made me. I'll remember the hugs, the kisses, and the laughs. But, I probably won't remember these little thoughts that crossed my mind. I'm sure I will remember some, but most certainly not all of them. My mind is constantly going. If I don't type my thoughts down, it often passes and I forget. If my children are reading this, and we are all much older, just know that I love you so so much. You are the world to me. I am thankful to be your mommy. I wouldn't trade you for the world. There isn't a day that goes by, or that will go by, where I won't be thinking of you. You are the loves of my life.
Until next time, XOXO