Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My so crazy life

This is my 2nd post tonight. Bear with me. Sometimes I have such powerful feelings that just flood me, and I can't help but just type. It's like therapy for me. I let my fingers fly as the words come to my mind. I want to remember these thoughts, and I want to share them with all of you:

Life is crazy. I often wonder how I ended up where I am. I am happy. Almost constantly, in fact. That is very unusual for me. I was a teenager who sometimes cut herself. I have scars on my wrists to this day. I remember taking a Christmas ornament one December night, breaking it, and cutting up my stomach with it. I cut my stomach that night because I could hide the cut marks with my shirt, and they wouldn't be visible to the world. I know to most this sounds insane. And, you have every right to think that I was insane. In reality, I was. I was a messed up little teenage girl, who made some messed up decisions. My life has never been this calm or stable in my adult life. It's so peaceful and nice. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally. I have children who love me unconditionally. I am loved. I am supported. And I am proud of myself for pulling myself out of the dark hole that I was in. I remember those lonely days. Those were hard days. I remember being so sad that I couldn't even stand to take a shower. I would sit down in the shower, cradling myself, while the water dripped down me with my tears. I remember not being able to pull myself out of my bed for hours, for days, who knows how long it was. I honestly believe that God knew of my suffering. He was well aware of it, in fact. I believe that he sent Ben to me. I honestly don't think I could have overcome so much, and turned into the person I am today without him. He helped me not only become a better person, but more importantly, he helped me become a better mother. I will forever be grateful to him. I wish I could repay him for blessing my life so immensely. Not in a million years could I ever repay him for giving me so much joy and happiness.
Life is good. There is so much to smile about. There is so much to be happy about. We are all beautiful creatures of God who loves us beyond our understanding. So be grateful for who you are. Be grateful for the life that you have. Smile a little more often. Look in the mirror at yourself and tell yourself that you're beautiful. Because you are. Because God says so. And that, my friends, is all the confirmation we need.


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